My boyfriend doesn't understand in the slightest how easy it is to upset me with a word, a look, a sentence. And he belittles how I feel. Like i'm not allowed to be upset over something that he thinks is nothing. Just because it's nothing to him doesn't mean it affects me the same. Just because it's nothing to him, in his mind means it's nothing to me as well. That isn't true at all.
If anything him belittling how I feel and what I think makes me feel worse about the entire thing altogether but again, try explaining that and all it becomes is "we're not talking, we're arguing" and "you must like arguing" and ultimately "piss off" all from him. Try combating that...
He says I never have anything interesting to say. Well he never has anything with any depth to say. It's always conversations about "i'm parroting Richard Dawkins" or "oh, check out this funny picture" or "hey look, a new electronic device that costs as much as your rent" or something. He says something that upsets me and I just try to ignore it or I do what I have to do to deal with it so I don't have to being it up and he just thinks i'm "cross with him" and makes me say it anyway which then he says "well that's a stupid reason" or something equally crap which is precisely what happened 2 days ago.
Well i'm pretty sure it's going to happen again today because he was kind of a jerk at half time. We went to see a show, a musical play of footloose. With my 2.5 year old. And at half time he asked for ear plugs because maybe with them he could ignore my son. And then for the amount of time that my son lasted through the second half my boyfriend was giving me dirty looks and about the time I was going to leave anyway he told me to. But apparently he felt the need to tell me which just made things a million times more awesome. So that lovely combination of events and now i'm pretty sure my boyfriend is going to be upset because Alex embarrassed him in front of a bunch of strangers gee's probably never going to see again and even if he does they won't remember him and he won't remember them but that's precisely the reason he was so upset after going to see Harry Potter last summer.
So what does any of this have to do with food? Well for one thing, being upset makes me not want to eat at all. For two, being upset with my boyfriend makes me not give a shit what he thinks about what I do. Or in this case, don't do. Or might do.
Cryptic? I'll explain. Upset? Don't care what boyfriend thinks? Might purge what I've eaten today. Which consists of some popcorn and half a candy bar and some starburst and some diet 7up. Upset? Don't care what my boyfriend thinks? Might just starve myself the rest of the day for several reasons. Upset with boyfriend. Upset with son. Upset with myself. Simple. Maybe. Not really though, so no. But maybe.
Edit-apparently he isn't mad because I left when he said to leave.
Fuck that! Alex is your son, he's TWO! He's not going to make it through Harry Potter or a musical or even a movie about something he *loves*, because he's TWO! If you have to leave with him? HE should leave with you both too! Like, WTF!? He talks about how he loves Alex and wants him to like him and blah blah, then gets mad or expects you to leave, bc he's making noise or throwing a TWO yr old hissy fit in a theatre!?! Grow up! Leave as a family and go see it another time if it's that entertaining. My gods.
ReplyDeleteMy son is actually pretty well behaved through movies for the most part, as long as it's what he wanted to watch. He made it through puss in boots, happy feet 2, secret world of arietty, a few others, just fine in the theaters only wanting to go get a popcorn refill part way through. Sometimes he doesn't make it through it but usually if he wants to see it he does. He's actually a very well behaved kid for the most part and he loves watching movies at home too. But at home if he needs to move no big deal, he can be as squirmy as he likes without any issues. I usually only take him to see movies at the $2 theater because if we miss part of it no major loss. I thought he would like a musical and didn't know it was over 2 hours long until after we'd paid and everything but I thought with an intermission he would maybe be ok. Not really the case, however.
DeleteApparently he was joking about the ear plugs thing and then I said I didn't think it was a very funny joke and he said "well it's either that our get angry with him, which would you prefer." I don't honestly see a difference between making a comment like that "as a joke" and getting angry. There is no difference I can see. He brought up Harry potter as the reason why he told me this time to leave. He said last time I said he didn't say to leave so this time he did and now I'm upset so either way it isn't right. But no, that's not right. I was upset because I thought he was mad at me/son. It wasn't the telling to leave or the "joke" or anything. And I was upset with myself for suggesting we go. And I was upset with my son because after we left the theater itself we had to go all the way outside because he wouldn't stop yelling at me then he tried to walk into the road like 5x so I had to go to the car and put him up where he couldn't go get run over or anything.
I'm relatively ok now. No purge but I only had coffee since what I had before. I may or may not eat dinner.