"I don't want it to happen"
Great. That didn't answer my question of which option he would prefer, me talking about it or me not talking about it. Apparently he thinks that is my decision but he just wants me to not not eat. Nice double negative there, I know.
He seems to think that I can just eat normally. I can't. That's why after he fell asleep I ate 3 pieces of pizza. He wasn't watching. I was hungry. I scarfed down nearly half a pizza in 20 minutes. Then wanted to puke it back up. Felt like I just wasted 32 hours of not eating because I literally ate 1500 calories right there like a fucking pig.
Oh, so what did I turn around and do today? Ate a cheese Danish and a brownie. Fabulous. Fuck this.
I'm not talking to him about food at all anymore. What I do or don't eat is my business. That is my official statement. I cant handle all the stress of "do I say something? Do I not? Is it wrong not to?" So if he doesn't ask he doesn't hear. It isn't lying. It's just not talking about it. That's what I see.
According to an app I downloaded my job alone makes me "moderately active" and my rmr (not bmr) is 1507 (ugh) so without even getting out of bed I burned off that pizza I guess? So i'm ok? I don't know... I'm sick of being fat. That's all I know.
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