Feelings sharing time

I don't know about this feeling sharing thing. I said in the first post I would talk about how I was feeling before during and after eating but I didn't do that. Mostly because I didn't really feel much of anything. I don't know, feelings are like "happy" "sad" "angry" "anxious" "depressed" etc... People talk about how eating puts them in a good mood and they get really cranky when they are hungry but i've found that i'm the opposite most of the time. When i'm hungry, which is not often because I don't recognize being hungry for what it is, I don't mind really. It doesn't bother me and sometimes i'm proud of myself for not eating or for really restricting or for not grabbing that chocolate bar or for not stopping at the deli and getting pasta. And after I eat all I think about is "how much was that? How many calories did I just eat? How much does that leave me with for the rest of the day?" And if it wasn't a lot i'm ok but if I get to close to my daily minimum too early I start to feel super depressed and angry and annoyed with myself and if I eat to much in one sitting, same.... It's really hard to live with this running monologue in your head calling you a stupid selfish pig for eating 700 calories in one sitting, let alone on a binge day when I can easily consume in excess of 10,000 (usually more like 3-5000)....i fucking hate food